Sustaining the sass

 “Maybe some women aren’t meant to be tamed. Maybe they need to run free… until they find someone just as wild to run with.” – Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City.

During the first year of my marriage separation, I did what any normal female would do – I re watched the entire series of Sex and the City – again! I was discovering and learning how to embrace the joy and gift (among the sadness and shit) of single life with my own little new SATC posse. I remember this quote came to mind after a particularly fun (and wild) night with the girls and it really sung to me because it took being on my own to really find and bring to life my wild side  – or ‘free spirit’ – that I hadn’t previously been able to truly acknowledge or selfishly allow to fly.  And with that came a whole lotta (unapologetic) SASS!

But here’s the thing, there wasn’t someone else’s feelings to consider or take into account for all my daily decisions. Every choice or decision I was making, every experience I was having and every piece of my mind and myself I was putting out there (I’m not just referring to sexually), really only affected me. I was free to be 100% selfishly sassy (and untamed) in all areas of my life and LOVING IT!

Because that’s what single life empowers and enables you to do. You are in that total ‘whole new me’ mode and have taken your power and self-worth back (if you had lost your way a little) and your mantra is pretty much ‘Watch the fuck out world – I’m here!’

You work SO hard to gain this and promise yourself you’ll never lose what you have found or yourself in a relationship again. The question is…

Can you still embrace your sass in a relationship? And if so, what are the rules and ways to navigate it?

Fast forward 3 years and it’s a question I’ve been asking myself on and off of late.

I’m truly lucky to have found love again and with a man who loves me and all my sass! In fact, it’s a huge part of what he found (and finds) attractive about me. He’s kind of like my wild and untamed counterpart, and we found each other to run wild with.

But here’s the thing, over time – and I think females in particular are guilty of this – we begin to really enjoy and fall into the wholesomeness of having someone else to dote on, take care of, nurture and make room for again. To prioritise second to ourselves. And slowly and unconsciously, begin to hold back on our full ‘here I am’ self.  Your single life really elevates it, and your settled life (if you let it) can begin to denote it – sassy piece by sassy piece.

I want to be perfectly clear…I OWN and take the responsibility when it comes to my own challenge with this. There’s been a bevy of factors that has contributed from less socialising (lack of desire and availability) via nights out with the girls, busier work lives, different ages and phases of life, winter (yuck!), getting too comfortable with the old night in with the Uggs routine, navigating FIFO life and scheduling a lot of my life around Rob (both out of necessity AND unnecessity) and of course the obvious, not engaging in single life behaviour that should only be engaged when you are in fact, single.

As my media mentor said it perfectly, it’s a “shame you can’t turn that tap on and off though…”

So here’s my next question…

How do you keep your sass, that ‘fire’ alive in yourself AND in your relationship? Can you take the best single parts of yourself into your relationship?

I’m going to say a big sassy YES to this! Want to know why? It was there when the relationship started in the first place.

I’m not saying that enjoying more wholesomeness and someone to have those nights in with, make dinner for (or him for you – this is 2022!), spend a Saturday or Sunday doing chilled house and couple things and being completely inhibited and comfortable with isn’t a bloody nice thing to have or should need to be given up! But can we perhaps find the balance between comfort and too comfortable? Between sassy and dare I say it, spiritless. Or ‘spirit-less’.

I feel like maybe it’s up to us to make sure we don’t stop doing or start giving up all the things that entice the sass.

How many women stop getting dressed up and going out as much? Guilty! Wear sexy underwear and go to a bar and have a boogie? Guilty! Or just keep that sass in their work and posts once settled without second guessing the same way they never used to when single? Guilty!

And let’s also not confuse sass with sex – or sexual connotation’s or activities. Is sass often involved in those? Absolutely! But here’s some other ways that bring out my sass…

It’s riding and ‘dancing’ my toosh off during a Bike Bar session. It’s walking along the coast on a beautiful day with a swing in my hips and a smile on my face. Enjoying freshly blow dried hair and putting make up on before I head out to a social event. It’s sunbaking on the beach and cooling off in the ocean and feeling damn fine about MYSELF and life (not for external validation – although like most women I’ll always appreciate it, but not need it) as I walk out of the water. It’s driving down the freeway singing my heart and lungs out to Shania Twain on the radio. It’s conversations with a bestie (or besties) where the wit and banter is bang on. It’s even taking my time in the shower (or bath) with tunes to suit my mood while I shave my legs with a face mask on.

Sass is an attitude, it’s an energy, it’s a VIBE you carry and emulate out to the world!

Some huge wake-up calls (that are actually very welcomed and encouraged by my other half) is that it’s up to me to decide, commit and actively work to not lose that sassy aspect of myself because the reality is, without that all-encompassing selfishly single & sassy life to keep generating the sass, I need to make time for the activities that do.

And it’s so, SO  important! Because it’s innately who I am deep down inside as well – single or settled.

We have multiple personalities and need to love on all of them!

And here’s the fun part – the other half doesn’t miss out on it either. They are 100% going to benefit from it – and not just because of the sexy underwear ;p – but because they get to see you being busy and happy in YOUR sassy self, and that makes THEM happy!

So, here’s a toast (or a Cosmopolitan 😉 ) to finding your sass, rediscovering your sass and never losing your SASS!

“Because you’re not like anyone else.”– Mr Big, Sex and the City.

Stay juicy,

C xx