Feel into your feminine
“The masculine thinks into a feeling. The feminine feels into a decision.”
I could almost not write the rest of this blog and leave it right there. That quote says it perfectly and sums up the difference between our masculine and feminine exactly.
While this distinction and the importance of feeling into my feminine is always on the forefront of my mind; living it and practicing it and being in it with presence and awareness isn’t always easy. In fact, the pace of modern life for the modern day woman can make it damn hard. I think that’s why the Universe always has a sneaky way of bringing us (AKA forcing us) back to that feminine space when it can sense we’re losing our way and may not create the amount of ‘space’ we need for it to shine through.
I’m going to tell this story from a personal standpoint because that’s the most authentic place to do it. But I already know this is going to resonate with you because I am having SO MANY conversations about this with so many clients. We’re all feeling it. So love into it, lady. Love into your feminine.
July has been a bit of a transition month for me – professionally and personally. On the professional front, closing the door on some areas that have been long standing. They were comfortable but no longer serving me. And opening the door on exciting opportunities, although slightly scary, as new territory always is. Personally, I’ve been reflecting on how I am showing up versus how I’d love to be showing up, given the right environment.
There’s a reason they say men are from Mars, women are from Venus. While both sexes possess masculine and feminine qualities, it’s only natural that males tend to be dominated by their masculine/thinking (logical) brain, while females tend to submit to our feminine/feeling (emotional) brain. However, the challenge is being able to utilise both AND knowing when to lead from the feminine and when to lead with the masculine. The reason this is such a challenge now is because males and females cross over and share roles at home and the workforce that were traditionally held for either a man or a woman. And while in many ways this is a great thing, it also brings about a whole new set of challenges for us as individuals.
I work for myself, live by myself and am still rocking the single status. I am basically solely responsible for running all aspects of my day to day life with no one to share duties with when I need to stop ‘doing’ and just flow. Because of this, I – and we all – have to make sure I put measures, boundaries and activities in place that help me honour my feminine as much as I can/need/crave at any given period.
Unpicking the masculine and the feminine
While masculine energy can be appreciated for helping organise, delegate, plan, separate personal from professional and tick boxes on those crazy busy days, it can also create a barrier that makes it hard to get back to our feminine, nurturing side.
The side for example, that wants to listen to your kids. To play with, laugh and cuddle them. I spend a lot of time with working mums, especially self-made entrepreneurs. It’s a topic spoken of on the regular. For me, it’s dating. Or not dating. Either way it’s not having something or someone (e.g. partner, kids) that forces me to draw back into that soft space. I have to ACTIVELY seek it, focus on it. Carve time out for activities to honour it: sunset coast walks with emotion-evoking tunes, girlie movies, lying in the sun with a book, yoga, switching off from my phone and social media, not making plans… Just doing less full stop so I can conserve that energy for my feelings and thoughts and have a cry and release (often a result of the above activities). It also includes being conscious of my energy and words: Am I being sassy because that’s my safe/comfortable zone, or gentle and soft as I wish to be and wish to be treated and truly seen in return?
It also includes spending time with others (male and female) that bring my naturally loud, energetic, extrovert energy to a quiet, soft, flowy, vulnerable and open one. Generally, these are people you trust with your heart. You see, hurt tends to harden us. We trust less and we build walls. We become weary and want to dominate and be in control of situations. Or feel we have to because no one else is there to do it for us.
And when it comes to dating, well… writer and poet Rupi Kaur says it perfectly:
“I do not need the kind of love that is draining. I want someone that energizes me.”
Just because we’re confident and strong, doesn’t mean we don’t want to be taken care of
Whether we admit it or not, most women just want a guy to take the lead. From courting to actually organising a date. Dating is where we want the ability to let our feminine flourish more than ever! And that’s going to take effort, care, kindness and respect from the dude. Give us that and we’re likely to melt like putty! I think it’s easy to assume that confident and strong women don’t need taking care of. That couldn’t be further from the truth. The ability to happily live and be independent doesn’t mean we don’t want the chance to be looked after by others. Stephan Labossiere says it right ‘Even the strongest woman just needs to be loved.’
And, to round this all out, I’m going to say what is almost looked down on or seen as ‘weak’ these days…
It’s ok to not want to do and be and achieve everything men do, just because we have the equal opportunity to. Because I’ve been on both ends of the spectrum and a huge part of the learning from my own marriage ending was seeing where and why my masculine had become so dominant and used at the wrong times, where it didn’t serve me or us. And where I don’t want that mistake to happen again.
From how I approach and run my business, to how I communicate with my team, colleagues and clients. To family, to friends, to my social life to my home life and most of all my love life.
No matter what life throws at you, you deserve to honour and appreciate all those wonderful attributes the feminine brings.
And remember…stay soft, it looks beautiful on you.